The bus ride was typical Japanese efficiency, stopping only to pick up flotsam and jetsam in the odd brightly lit bunker.
We arrived at kansai international airport at " oh fking hell its still early" and I took a cart and procceeded to look like I knew what I was doing .
After taking the service elevator to the storage cupboard and catching the eye of the concierge for the second time , I found the bus to the other terminal, where I took another bus back to the original terminal after discovering that jet star had decided to move.
Then after finding out that the scales of the extra baggage desk were 5kg over , as I had already confirmed the weight. ( it seems this is a trick as both Narita and kansai were over and when I pointed this out the strict wieght limit magically disappeared!)
I now settled down to wait. Not much you can do at the airport than wait. I did however treat myself to the biggest most calorie Laden Burger king I could find. That wasted 5 min.
Pretty soon the humiliation began and I was on the plane, knowing my shoes were not going to explode and the bottle I had just purchased wasn't going to burn a hole in my flight suit, or that I want going to strangle myself with either my belt or my shoelaces.
I sat with economy, not talking to the Himalayain bag wearing lesbian or the underfed connected sales jockey on my right. We touched elbows.
After the delays and apologies we arrived at Narita. After which I realised it would have been far more efficient to pay slightly more and take the shinkansen. as it was I had saved Y1000 , and now it was 7pm and I faced a 90km ride home, and it was raining.
It took 2 hours to clear customs , change and assemble the bike and there was PC , doing my job.
" gaijins card" , no , " why not ", " because it's nine o'clock and it's in my bag and you are just being an arsehole"
Once the formalities were over and "PC doing my job left". and I started home. Then returned to pick up my hat.
The ride home was one to remember. Raining , foggy , cold and later on totally lost with a dead phone, but at least the compass worked!.
Found my way back until I got lost !
Ya follow the road , watching the road signs , which only show the next big town , if you don't know the relationship between the town and say Tokyo, well you is lost !
so I stop and play the 7/11 game . The best one being on the route 16 asking where is Tokyo in as many different accents and styles as a French mime with a halepeno enema.
upon descovering that the route 190 was the one for me and I was to turn left at a car dealership , I procceeded to track down the Origin of mankind, stopping to ask at every confidence store if they had seen Bigfoot , aliens or the route 190.
At one stage , in the middle of nowhere , following a goat track called route 12, I get to a junction. no signs, no nothing, foggy with zero visibility , and rain. I go right , why? it's because I'm a wild and impetuous young man. Seriously Japan fix your road signs or at least stop using the Irish as your contractors.
At about 4 in the morning I decide to try my luck at a police station. by now I am in the Tokyo metropolitan area and a few miles from Omiya . nothing can stop me now , so I ask " how do I get to Omiya"
maps and people appear. Conversation happens that only those who are party to the inner circle understand. I contemplate ordering a pizza.
After the earth cools and the land emerges from the ocean, I get to look at the map. It seems that I go straight then at the resona bank , I turn right. I am then to follow that road until I cannot. At which point I turn , right .. I forget the rest but it was very entertaining I can assure you.
Two seven elevens later and many kilometers of Japanese footpaths I had made it to yono. 9 km away from home. The bike explodes.
Now we are not talking about a cracked frame or a broken cable , the whole back wheel centre falls off , hitting it won't help.
So we have gears not attached to the wheel and very little of motion , especially in the forward direction..
I hit it . nope that didn't work. So I try putting it back together. but as half the parts are broken this also isn't going to work
so I use stones , the theory being that I will get forward motion IF I
jam everything together , so I jam stones into the hub , this works . but as soon as I stop peddling the chain has kiniptions, and I have to stop and untame the chain and put it on the correct gear.....
Three sets of lights in the morning rush hour , but hey only a few kilometers to home and it's sunny .
how many times have I done that last kilometer from lalaport to home it's long and filled with many emotions .
I arrived at 7;30 am.
We arrived at kansai international airport at " oh fking hell its still early" and I took a cart and procceeded to look like I knew what I was doing .
After taking the service elevator to the storage cupboard and catching the eye of the concierge for the second time , I found the bus to the other terminal, where I took another bus back to the original terminal after discovering that jet star had decided to move.
Then after finding out that the scales of the extra baggage desk were 5kg over , as I had already confirmed the weight. ( it seems this is a trick as both Narita and kansai were over and when I pointed this out the strict wieght limit magically disappeared!)
I now settled down to wait. Not much you can do at the airport than wait. I did however treat myself to the biggest most calorie Laden Burger king I could find. That wasted 5 min.
Pretty soon the humiliation began and I was on the plane, knowing my shoes were not going to explode and the bottle I had just purchased wasn't going to burn a hole in my flight suit, or that I want going to strangle myself with either my belt or my shoelaces.
I sat with economy, not talking to the Himalayain bag wearing lesbian or the underfed connected sales jockey on my right. We touched elbows.
After the delays and apologies we arrived at Narita. After which I realised it would have been far more efficient to pay slightly more and take the shinkansen. as it was I had saved Y1000 , and now it was 7pm and I faced a 90km ride home, and it was raining.
It took 2 hours to clear customs , change and assemble the bike and there was PC , doing my job.
" gaijins card" , no , " why not ", " because it's nine o'clock and it's in my bag and you are just being an arsehole"
Once the formalities were over and "PC doing my job left". and I started home. Then returned to pick up my hat.
The ride home was one to remember. Raining , foggy , cold and later on totally lost with a dead phone, but at least the compass worked!.
Found my way back until I got lost !
Ya follow the road , watching the road signs , which only show the next big town , if you don't know the relationship between the town and say Tokyo, well you is lost !
so I stop and play the 7/11 game . The best one being on the route 16 asking where is Tokyo in as many different accents and styles as a French mime with a halepeno enema.
upon descovering that the route 190 was the one for me and I was to turn left at a car dealership , I procceeded to track down the Origin of mankind, stopping to ask at every confidence store if they had seen Bigfoot , aliens or the route 190.
At one stage , in the middle of nowhere , following a goat track called route 12, I get to a junction. no signs, no nothing, foggy with zero visibility , and rain. I go right , why? it's because I'm a wild and impetuous young man. Seriously Japan fix your road signs or at least stop using the Irish as your contractors.
At about 4 in the morning I decide to try my luck at a police station. by now I am in the Tokyo metropolitan area and a few miles from Omiya . nothing can stop me now , so I ask " how do I get to Omiya"
maps and people appear. Conversation happens that only those who are party to the inner circle understand. I contemplate ordering a pizza.
After the earth cools and the land emerges from the ocean, I get to look at the map. It seems that I go straight then at the resona bank , I turn right. I am then to follow that road until I cannot. At which point I turn , right .. I forget the rest but it was very entertaining I can assure you.
Two seven elevens later and many kilometers of Japanese footpaths I had made it to yono. 9 km away from home. The bike explodes.
Now we are not talking about a cracked frame or a broken cable , the whole back wheel centre falls off , hitting it won't help.
So we have gears not attached to the wheel and very little of motion , especially in the forward direction..
I hit it . nope that didn't work. So I try putting it back together. but as half the parts are broken this also isn't going to work
so I use stones , the theory being that I will get forward motion IF I
jam everything together , so I jam stones into the hub , this works . but as soon as I stop peddling the chain has kiniptions, and I have to stop and untame the chain and put it on the correct gear.....
Three sets of lights in the morning rush hour , but hey only a few kilometers to home and it's sunny .
how many times have I done that last kilometer from lalaport to home it's long and filled with many emotions .
I arrived at 7;30 am.
Did you??? I mean find Bigfoot???? I mean it would be like getting a good pic of the Loch Ness Monster - worth a fortune!!!!!
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